And puts the glory out to hide

I watched a fairly remarkable lightning display from the balcony of my apartment last night.

Thunderstorms have always brought me a deep measure of joy and gladness. As a young child, I would cuddle up next to my parents in front of the big window in our living room whenever a major weather system blew in from the west. I'd watch the fire bolts dance across the night sky, full of awe and wonder and innocence. Dad would wrap his arms around me and cover my ears for the inevitable thunder crash and mom would just smile and laugh. She'd say, "it's getting pretty late, we really should get to bed", but dad and I would put up a fight and beg for one more minute, one more jagged illumination on the horizon.

Life can be hard, and lonely, and painful. Over the past few years, I've become increasingly cynical and jaded towards religion, society, and people in general. Since starting this blog two months ago, I've experienced a profound sense of isolation and brokenness in my personal life, and this feeling has intensified in recent weeks. My posts have been sarcastic, demeaning, and in many instances, angry.

Nothing really changed last night. I still feel confused and frustrated and lost. I still think fundamentalist Christians are insane. I still doubt God. But for a few fleeting moments, I recaptured that childhood sense of awe and wonder and innocence. For a few fleeting moments, I felt like a young boy, sitting on his father's lap, laughing at the beauty of creation. For a few fleeting moments, it was well with my soul.