"The constant assertion of belief is an indication of fear." -- Jiddu Krishnamurti
This phenomenon can manifest itself in a variety of ways. The politician who passionately expounds family values might be hiding a secret affair; the woman who constantly raves about how much she loves her husband might be overcompensating for some inner regret; the preacher who perpetually talks about the goodness of God might be covering up his own unbelief.
I know a married couple who is currently going through a trial separation. They've been married for several years, but have never been truly happy. Sure, they go church every Sunday, smiling and holding hands and praising the Lord. They write odes to one another on the internet, for all the world to see! The woman posts daily Facebook updates about how she "has the best husband in the world!" But it's all a show. It's all superficial, shallow, and fake.
I often wonder how many religious people experience a similar struggle -- not with their spouse, but with their God. Whenever I hear a pastor (or any Christian, for that matter) assert that the Bible is perfect, that it is dictated by God, and that anyone who believes otherwise is a threat to Christianity and doomed to the fires of hell, I can't help but think to myself, "I bet this guy wishes he was an atheist."
Of course, he can't be an atheist. He can't be agnostic. He can't read the Bible as allegory or accept other faith traditions. He's got a wife, a family, and a job that pays the bills. His entire life is built upon his confidence in the Bible. His entire existence is predicated upon whether or not he's right. If God is actually bigger and more complicated than he lets on, if parts of Jesus' life story are actually copied from pagan religions, if his congregation actually learns to think for themselves, he loses everything.
Israeli musician Eef Barzelay has a verse in one of his songs that goes, "And they all think I'm stupid, I can see it in their eyes. But I know what's inside their hearts, I penetrate their lives. Sometimes it gets me crazy, but I keep my feelings hid. Cause I know deep inside they're only frightened little kids."
Well, some of us aren't afraid to embrace that frightened little child within. We're not afraid to admit that we don't have a clue about the workings of God and the mystery of the universe. We're not afraid to doubt, to question, to probe. We're not afraid to seek a different, better path, a path that actually makes sense, a path that is inclusive and truly generous.
If the constant assertion of belief is an indication of fear, then the constant assertion of doubt must be an indication of courage.
Know hope.
You're Not Alone
9 years ago
1 comment:
A big question for me is always, "Who are these people trying to convince? Others or themselves?"
There is some interesting psychology research on what's called "defensive high self-esteem" (just google that term). These are people who report liking themselves very much, but on more unconscious, subtle measures they don't like themselves at all. It's unclear whether this dislike is conscious to the person or not, but it can be measured by specialized computer tasks.
Though outwardly confident, these people are actually quite insecure. As a result, they are defensive, aggressive, and tend to be prejudiced.
Sounds a lot like the people you're describing.
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